Dear Daniel,
I cannot and do not want to send this letter to you, but it needs to come out of my system.
First things first, I know I'm with John now, he's a really decent guy. I at first felt very guilty for meeting him, and liking him. Just because I thought if you found out you might think that you meant nothing to me, and thats simply not true. However, I know that period of my life is over now, and I'm starting a new chapter.
I did feel very angry at you at first. Simply because the way I see it is that you never did anything to try to save our relationship. I was the one who came up with all the ideas of things we could to, try and find ways to reconnect. I may be wrong but in my eyes all you did was give up on us after two long years. Now I'm just mourning the loss of someone who was once very dear to me. I don't know, maybe our relationship really ended the day I moved to uni, it certainly ended long before you broke up with me.
I'm glad we had coffee together, it made me realise that I felt nothing for you. I am over you, just not the memory of what I've lost. I miss having someone I can ring up at any time and tell all my hopes, fears and gossip to. I don't want to put too much onto John so soon. I don't like to seem needy. I didn't really open up to you about things that really bothered me until about a year after we got together. I miss that openess.
I did believe that you were "The one" for me. We'd be together forever. Maybe it was our first date that made it just seem so perfect, like fate. I had a bad break-up before you came along. After that I prayed every night that I'd never fall in love again until I found "the one." And for the longest time I didn't. Guys came along, and after about two weeks I'd get bored and move on. That changed the day I met you.
I don't believe in forever anymore. Maybe I was naive to in the first place. Maybe I took you forgranted. I certainly feel a long more cynical now. But I've decided how I want my new relationship to be. I'm just going to take one day at a time, make the most of it. If I let myself believe in forevers then I'll probably take him just as forgranted. So I won't. I also won't build my life around him. I guess if anything I've learned to live for myself, and not somebody else. John told me he loved me. I couldn't say it back, I don't feel it right now. I will in time I guess, maybe I'm just more mature now and don't fall in and out of love so easily like I used to.
I need to get this all out of my system so I can move on, I don't want to forget you because we did have some great times together. I just don't want to be reminded of you everywhere I go either. I do hope we can be good friends one day, because after all is said and done, you are a decent guy.
I wish you the very best in life, no matter what you decide to do with it.
Good luck and godspeed.
Laura.
